she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
