She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
