i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
