I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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