My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
