Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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