Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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