I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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