Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
