sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
