part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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