coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
