I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
