ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
