Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
