my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
