I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
