I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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