saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
