Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
