she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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