What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
