literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
