saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize