If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
