sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
