didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
