if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize