What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
