Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
