She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
