you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
