I hate your face
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
