no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
