girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
