it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
