I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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