I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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