i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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