I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize