Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
