you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
