He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
