Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
