he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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