If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize