are you so shy because you have an std?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
