Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
