you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
