one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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