dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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