i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
