She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize