my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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