Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
