I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
