remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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