Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
