So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
