this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
