It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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