I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
