i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
