i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
