dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
