If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
