I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
