I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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