no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
