This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize