i need an iv and a liver transplant
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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