so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
